Open letter to Queen E

Dear Queen Elizabeth II of the Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland,

It is with a heavy heart that I write your highness this morning. I fear that relations between us may become colder than they have been in the past. It seems as though thy subject, my wife, has damaged a piece of thine property. I paid for it. Someone else made it. But it is thine.

You see, thy loftiness, I live in Guatemala and I have to carry my passport with me everywhere. I keep in in my pocket with my wallet in case a police officer wants to check my legality in the country. A few nights ago, I forgot my passport in my pocket. I don't remember putting the pants in the laundry basket, in fact I suspect someone else of doing that. I wasn't too worried when my passport went missing. I knew it would turn up soon. The problem is that it turned up sopping wet in the washing machine (thou havest these in Buckingham Palace, though I'm certain thou hast never had to operate one).

My wife suggested I blow dry the passport, which I did. I'm glad for that advice, because the sun probably wouldn't have done the trick as quickly. I can carefully turn each page (all 24 of them) and only a couple of the visa stamps are faded, but it's in rough shape. I add that this passport expires in March '07, so I am planning to get a new one at Christmas time.

I am begging thou not to have me flogged nor put in the stockade nor to put me in the tower of London. I assure you it was unintentional.

Begging thy pardon,

Zaak C Robichaud
Canadian Subject


Anonymous said...

She doesn't hand out passports. Your Canadian Government does!!

Want to hear a passport/visa story? Tough!! You are going to hear it anyway.

A guy at work came over here from England to work. He of course had to get lots of paper work ready and sent to the some Canadian consulate in Calgary. It was for his working visa. It came back with....Condoleezza Rice's signature on it!! The Canadian government had to send his visa to the Washington Canadian Consulate and get permission from Condoleezza. This makes you wonder who is really overseeing our country. England or the USA. I guess you will see when you get your passport renewed.

Zaak said...

I don't think there is a Canadian consulate in Calgary. Federal stuff is in Edmonton at Canada Place. There is a US Consulate there though. Are you sure this guy wasn't applying for a US working visa?

Hey, I'm not going to go to the Canadian Government, I'm going straight to the top. I'll let her throw her weight around for me, afterall, she's living the life of ultraluxury because of beaverpelts from my homeland.

Opening statement of my passport:
The Secretary of State for External Affairs of Canada requests in the name of Her Majesty the Queen, all those, who it may concern to alllow the bearer to pass freely without let or hindrance and to afford the bearer such assistance and protection as may be necessary.
Yeah, and it continues to say the passport is the property of the gov't of Canada, but by the grace of Queen Elizabeth goes the gov't of Canada.

Anonymous said...

It was for Canada. Maybe I'm wrong about the place, but I saw the signed papers with her name on it. We couldn't understand why it was sent to Washington. Oh well... he is still here working.

Kevin said...

I've been told that Her Majesty could reasonably respond by saying: "Off with your head!" You did damage... your head (see next post...) so you probably won't get that call (see previous post).

(Man, one comment, referencing three posts!! Too bad this only counts as one comment, although I think that in the counting, I should be credited for three... nay FOUR!... since this is after all a competition and Sirdar and I are top dogs. Woof)

Marta said...

Jeff did the same thing to his passport a few months back :). Luckely for me I do not wash his work clothes. He does that himself. So he only had himself to blame. Jeff still had to apply for a new passport.